The other day Nessa got me to sit with her and go through the Billboard Hot 100 so she could find some new songs to listen to on her phone. I pulled up a chair expecting to see a lot of pop songs by Carly Rae Jepson, Rihanna, and Katy Perry.
I was surprised with how much country music was actually on the list but I guess with most country music sounding more poppy these days it makes sense.
As we got to the end of the Hot 100 we found a band called Imagine Dragon and their song "It's time." I hadn't heard of Imagine Dragons but I was surprised with how much I liked their music.
After listening to the song we both felt like we heard the beat used on another song and after doing some Google searches we found Matt & Kim. Their song "Daylight" has a very similar beat through the song.
Since finding the two bands I've listened to anything I've been able to find by them. I'm leaning toward Imagine Dragons as the band I prefer. Here's a few more songs by each I have enjoyed.
I started reading this
last night and couldn't stop reading until I reached the end. It wasn't
suspenseful or scary but I couldn't stop reading until I wad finished.
It's a wonderful story of living with the past and finding redemption. A
story of moving on and accepting what cannot be changed. I related to
the story in a way I didn't think I would with the plot points involving
the parents especially the father. I'm not sure I can really say I
loved the book considering the subject matter but you can appreciate
anything that can make you think about making life better. There is one
quote in the book that really stayed with me:
"The word won being
the past tense of win, and we can all say at the end of the day that
we've won once again, can't we? Some days making it to the end of the
day is quite the victory."
In a world where things are often out of our control making it to my bed is my daily victory. I get to life another day.
I am constantly creating soundtracks for things in my life. It's a geeky thing to do but I can't help it. I'm always thinking of a song that would fit a specific situation. It always happens when I read as well. My mind will immediately think of a song based on the current plot point.
Here are a few songs that were played while reading Hate List:
Alanis Morrissette - That I Would Be Good
that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy
Deb Talan - Comfort
If you can't remember a better time
you can have mine, little one.
In days to come when your heart feels undone
may you always find an open hand
and take comfort wherever you can.
Evanescense - My Immortal
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
Oasis - Don't Look Back In Anger
So Sally can wait
She knows it's too late as she's walking on by
My soul slides away
"But don't look back in anger, don't look back in anger"
I heard you say, "at least not today"
Emma Lee - I Could Die Tonight
Truth be told I’m still just scared as hell
that I’ll fool the world and never fool myself
Cause I know living right it isn’t in the lyin’
But I could live with tryin’
I could live with cryin’
I could live with dyin’ tonight
The Smashing Pumpkin - Disarm
Disarm you with a smile
And leave you like they left me here
To wither in denial
The bitterness of one who's left alone
The Weepies - World Spins Madly On
Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
I thought of you and where you'd gone
and let the world spin madly on
I should be crying
But I just can't let it show
I should be hoping
But I couldn’t stop thinking
All the things I should've said
That I never said
All the things we should of done
That we never did
All the things I should've given
But I didn't
I know this song has has other meanings but to me it has always reminded me of the strength of the women in my life. I never had that strong male role model to teach me how to be a good man but maybe it was always a blessing. I knew what I shouldn't do as a man.
I remember listening to my mother cry after my father had left. It's hard realizing that the one you love has chosen someone else. But my mother is an amazing woman. She got back on her feet and raised 4 children on her own. And if you know my sisters then you know it couldn't have been an easy task managing four kids who were all different people.
She always made sure I had the support I needed. One of my favorite memories is graduating from University because I could see on her face how proud she was of me. It was a good feeling and she always had enough pride in me for two parents.
I was then blessed to marry a strong woman. Someone who was brave enough to dream of doing more for the world and take the steps to fulfill that dream. Every day that she leaves for school I am so proud to be married to someone who wants to make this world a better place for the future.
I see how frustrated she gets with her studies and sometimes I make her even more frustrated but she always makes it through. She makes hard and she achieves her goals. While our students threw in the towel with the bus strike and even I thought it might be a good idea she found drives to school or walked home to get to her classes and mid-terms. It's her strength of character. She never gives up.
She makes me a better person. She's opened my eyes to so many things. I am blessed to have her in my life and I hope everyone else is blessed to find the woman who makes them a better man.
Holiday music for for starts early November every year. I put it onto my iPod and listen to it while I walk to work. I put on the Galaxy Holiday channel as soon as the add it every year. I listen it well into January before I remove the songs from my play lists for another year.
There are so many holiday songs I love that it was tough narrowing it down to just ten. But I was able to cut it down. Most of the songs in the list have multiple versions but I included my favorite version of each song in the list.
10. Where Are You Christmas by Faith Hill
Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play
I know it's from the mediocre Live Action Grinch movie but I like the message of the song. I like the idea of Christmas changing with us. When your young it's the magic of Santa. As a teen it's two weeks out of school. While you are in college it's a chance to relax and see old friends and family. As an adult it's about making sure others are happy especially if you have children. No matter what Christmas is something different to each person.
9. White Christmas by Bing Crosby
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten,
and children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow
I've grown to love this song more while living in Halifax. Especially since I could have gotten away with wearing a t-shirt today rather then my winter jacket that I was sweating in. I also know that when we do have snow and it's freezing out I'll wish for the days of sun and light breezes but Christmas without snow seems wrong to me.
8. I’ll Be Home for Christmas by Frank Sinatra
Christmas Eve will find me
Where the lovelight gleams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams
Christmas for me was always about family. It's a little harder enjoying the holidays with our family and friends so far away. Luckily with technology I can see my family using Skype even if I won't get the spend the holidays with them.
7. Chanukah Song (along with Part 2 and 3) by Adam Sandler
Put on your yarmulka
Its time for Chanukah
So much funnaka
To celebrate Chanukah
I Know I'm not Jewish but I just really enjoy this song during the Holidays.
6. All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas Is you
I can pretend I don't like this song but I would be fooling no one especially since I always dance when it comes on.
5. Do They Know It’s Christmas by Band Aid
And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life.
Ohh....
Where nothing ever grows
No rain or rivers flow
Do they know it's Christmas time at all?
It's not exactly a happy song but it's always been meaningful to me. I think it is good to remember the less fortunate during the holidays. There are a lot of people around the world that suffer and are just happy to be alive while we worry about getting our latest toy.
4. Cool Yule by Louis Armstrong
He'll come a flyin' from a higher place
And fill the stocking by the fireplace
So you'll, have a yule that's cool
The only version that matters of this song is Louis Armstrong's. His deep voice adds an entertaining layer to the song and makes it fun.
3. Happy Christmas (War Is Over) by John Lennon
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
I've always enjoyed this song for it's message of peace and understanding. I've always been against war. I'm a peaceful guy who hates having a simple argument and would rather resolve a disagreement with words rather then violence. I like the idea that war could be over if people just made it so. The message is inspiring especially during the holidays when so many people are stationed over seas.
2. The Christmas Song sung by Nat King Cole
And so I'm offering this simple phrase,
To kids from one to ninety-two,
Although it's been said
Many times, Many ways
Merry Christmas to you.
This is the first Christmas song I can remember really loving. When I was in my early teens I got a cassette of Christmas songs and played this song so many times that I ruined the tape. I always liked the idea of everyone being happy on the holidays. Of course I have since grown up and now know that the idea of everyone loving the holidays will never be realized but the song still holds special meaning around the holidays.
1. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas sung by Christina Aguilera
Through the years we all will be together and
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bow, oh yeah, oh
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now, oh, oh
This is the holiday song I listen to the most every year in all it's different versions sung by so many different voices. I like the thought of having no worries and just enjoying the holidays with friends and family. With everyone getting along even if it's just for the short time around Christmas.
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It's not exactly a Christmas song but I use to listen to it a lot around this time while I was in University. I'd be studying for my finals and trying to keep my mind off the fact that I'd shortly be on a train back to Campbellton, NB. Where I'd get to see my family and friends. I would try to keep myself from thinking about singing really badly at Taps or dancing at the Flagship. Spending time at Al's playing video games or walking through the McDonald's Drive-Thru at 2 in the morning with Troy.
This song also helped me stay focussed on the task so once I was done I good have one last drinking night with my friends at X before being hung over and trying to not be sick on the train.
This song proves that lyrics don't have to be about the holidays to make it a festive song. It's about the meaning that you grasp from the lyrics and what they mean to your life.
maybe this Christmas will mean something more
maybe this year love will appear
deeper than ever before
and maybe forgiveness will ask us to call
someone we love
someone we've lost
for reasons we can't quite recall
mmm, maybe this Christmas
Later this month I'll be posting my top ten Holiday songs but each Monday I'll be posting a song that I love but didn't make the list.
I've always enjoyed Ron Sexsmith's music and loved when he was included on the Chrismukkah episode of the first season of The OC.
I like the idea that Christmas can be more then just getting gifts and seeing family. It can be about mending fences with old friends. It can be about reconnecting with people who you have had disagreements with. The song makes me think a a scene from Home Alone where Kevin and the Old Man are talking about calling the Old Man's son so that he can see his son and granddaughter on Christmas day.
It's one of the things that this time of year should be about. Reaching out to people and finding a way to celebrate together. Accepting that the past is just the past and that you can have a future.
The song is about hope which is what the Holiday season should be about.
Has our conscience shown?
Has the sweet breeze blown?
Has all kindness gone?
Hope still lingers on.
I drink myself of newfound pity
Sitting alone in New York City
And I don't know why.
There is so much wrong in the world. Everyday we hear stories about hatred and war. People are horrible. The way they treat children. How could anyone just drive and walk by while a child lay there dying.
The way we treat other human beings with discrimination. To remove someone from your restaurant because of who they are just because some people that read the bible in the wrong way. The bible taught me to have compassion, not to judge others, and to love everyone unconditionally. I'm not perfect but I also don't throw stones at others.
Then you have a guy releasing animals into the public then killing himself. It was senseless that the animals that to killed but I can understand that they were a danger to the public. The fact was that they never should have been released.
There is so much wrong with the world. I knew that there is also good in the world but often all the good gets over shadowed.
You have celebrities stepping up and letting people know who there are. I applaud gentleman like Zachary Quinto who step up and proudly let the world know who he is. He did it quietly which feels like the right way to do it. It wasn't flashy and it wasn't for money. It was to make others feel safe and let the world know that it is OK to be gay, it's OK to be who you are.
You also see the kindness of others when tragedy hits. The way people band together when natural disasters hit the world hard. The way people volunteer to work with kids. To help them become better people. To hopefully grow into respectful and great human beings who will make the world a better place.
We can hope that someday all people will except others for who they are. We can hope that someday we won't have war and we won't have people treat children like they are dispensable.
I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.
I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.
The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They're really saying I love you.
I hear babies cry, I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll never know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world.
This past week one of my little sister had her second child. A lovely little boy named Max. It's a little hard since I'm not sure when I'll get to meet him. I don't get home very often. As much as I love my family I sadly never feel any real desire to visit. Hopefully eventually we'll all get around to setting up web cams and skype so I can interactive with more then pictures and voices.
But I did want to wish Katie and Scott a congratulations on having a wonderful baby boy and I hope Giana enjoys being a big sister. I always liked being a big brother.
Walked around my good intentions
And found out there were none
I blame my father for the wasted years
We hardly talked
Never thought I would forget this hate
And a phone call made me realize I'm wrong
Recently I've been thinking about my father. It's not that he reached out to me or my family. I just found out that some of my family on his side had tagged him in pictures of my sister's wedding. My sister was right to be angry. His side of the family has pretty much disowned my family since he left us.
By all accounts I should hate the man. He wasn't there for the best moments of my life. He missed it when I married the love of my life. He wasn't there when I needed a role model growing up. He wasn't there when I succeeded in High School and University. I've had a good life without him but I still always wished I had a dad. Someone I could confide in when I needed advice. My mom did the best she could and I love her for everything she has done for me but it wasn't same.
So I now find myself wondering what I would do if he tried to talk to me. Because I don't hate him. I don't have in me to truly hate someone. I also am a very forgiving person but can you truly forgive someone if you don't want them in your life.
I have realized that I hold no resentment towards him. He made poor choices but I survived and I am still surviving without him. I can make the choice to let it go. To not be angry with him. To hope that he is happy with the life he has led. It does me nothing to be angry with him. As people like to say, "Life goes on." But it doesn't mean I want him in my families or my life. We survived the past twenty years without him and we'll keep on living without him.
Sometimes you need to forgive to let go. I hope my family can forgive and just let him go. I have and it makes me feel better. It's not a perfect scenario but you have to play with the cards you were dealt. I've played my cards and now I'm moving on in peace.
Round my hometown
Memories are fresh
Round my hometown
Ooh the people I've met
I've been thinking about old memories recently. I grew up in a small town with a one screen movie theater and a small mall filled mostly clothing stores. It made it hard to see movies right away but we still went to that theater every Friday. Jen, Rory and I saw a lot of good movies there and we saw others I hope I never see again (Battlefield Earth for instance).
It also made it hard to get movies and music for a decent price. It was always good that Columbia House had no problems delivering to the same address under different names. I had one acquaintance who I saw at Zellars every week. We never talked since we weren't exactly friends but we always nodded at each other as we walked the aisles. Now Amy's one of my best friends and if I had known then that we had such similar tastes in movies and TV shows I would have rushed the aisles faster to make sure I got what I wanted before she had the chance to grab the one copy first. Life in a small town ... one copy of the good movies, if someone else grabbed it first all you could do was pray that another copy came.
It's not that I miss that town. It's more I miss some of the people even through not many of them are there anymore. They have all scattered to other places living there lives in different ways. Some are going to school. And some are planning on living in a van down by the river. Some have children or are in long term relationships. Troy even surprised me by getting married to someone that is actually likable.
I don't miss the days of drinking too much. Or having a house full of people, some of which annoyed me. I did enjoy it while it lasted but I wouldn't go back. I've grown to much since those days and I like who I've become. But I do miss the days of hanging with Al, Rene, Rory and Troy. Making fun of each other. Playing video games and making sure we did whatever was possible to make sure Rorrrrrrrrrrrry lost. Mostly because he hated losing and it was fun even if it also meant I lost as well. I still laugh at the thought of Rory asking Al if he still had "Worms" in the McDonald's lobby.
I also miss the time spent in Matapedia at a cabin in the middle of no where. I had a lot of good times there. I remember driving there in Ryan's Jetta and then in his Trans AM. And as cool as a Trans AM is I always enjoyed the Jetta more with it's door ajar music.
Strangely I sometimes miss working at McDonald's and the Youth Center. McDonald's is a horrible job but it's made better if you work there with all your friends. And even through the Youth Center treated their employees like crap I loved working with kids. Sure they spend most of their time on computers or watching movies, I also got to organize games of Survivor and Amazing Race for the kids.
I miss late night trips to Indian Lake for night swims. Playing king of the dock even through it was almost impossible to get Troy off the dock.
But as much as I miss all those days I wouldn't go back. I love my life now, married to the love of my life who also happened to be my first crush. I love that I get to see her do so great in University because I always knew she would be great in whatever she put her mind to. I don't know where life will take us after she graduates but I'm excited to find out and will follow her wherever she needs me to be.
I look forward to seeing her in her Graduation gown looking almost as beautiful as the day she married me. I look forward to her saving the world with her Environmental Studies degree and making a difference. I look forward to spending the rest of my life with her.
It doesn't hurt to look back and miss the memories but I feel sorry for the people who want to actually go back. That means they have nothing to look forward to and that's just sad.
