Music To Read To: the perks of being a wallflower

 

the perks of being a wallflower

Charlie was such a hard character to read. It wasn't that I didn't like the character because I thought he was well written. It was that I saw parts of myself in Charlie and it was scary. I've never really read a book where I connected with the character that much.

I'm lucky enough to never have been committed or dealt with the situation he had as a child but I do know how it feels to feel like there is something wrong with you but not know what that something was. To feel like there is something missing and if you could just find that piece everything would be crystal clear for you and life would be great.

It's not that my life is bad. I'm married to the love of my life. I'm happy with where I am. It's not perfect but it is close and is anything ever really perfect? When I look back on my life, I can say that I made the right choices for me. I am who I'm supposed to be. I'm where I'm supposed to be. But there are days when I am sad because I feel like that piece that is missing makes me less of a husband. Or less of a friend. Or less of a son or a brother or an uncle. It's a sadness I keep to myself mostly so I listen to some music and it reminds me that my wife loves me and my dog is happy I am here.....and the cats eat the food I give them.

Some days I'll write a poem because it's something I can share without giving away my secrets. Poetry is something that has a different meaning to each person who reads it. Regardless of what my high school English teacher tried to teach; every person reads a poem differently.

Today I'm writing a blog which is as good as a poem but harder to hide secrets. That's ok because barely anyone actually reads my blog posts ... unless it is about Board Games which lots of people read especially around major holidays. 

There is a quote in the book that kind of defines who I am:

“please believe that things are good with me, and even when they're not, they will be soon enough. And i will always believe the same about you.” 

It's a weird quote to use but it is who I am. When I get mad it's not for long. I get over sadness quickly even if it comes back. Maybe that's why I over think everything. I want to make sure the people around me are happy because most of the time I am happy. There's really nothing I would change, although there are people that I've lost touch with that I wish I kept up with. Even if we are Facebook friends it's really nothing more then a few random posts and annoying game updates. 

I guess I shouldn't worry so much. My life is good. I'm happy. I'm in love and she loves me back. I have a roof over my head and food in the fridge. I have TV to watch, movies to see, books to read, and music to discover and listen to.

Is there really anything else I could ask for?

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I started writing the above as a review and it kind of took on a life of it's own. I did promise in the title that I would post a few songs that jumped to mind while reading so here they are.

I'm going to start with two songs that were mentioned in the book but I kept going to while reading.

The Smiths - Asleep

Sing to me
Sing to me
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore

The Beatles - Something

Something in the way she knows
And all I have to do is think of her
Something in the things she shows me

This next song I actually heard for the first time the morning before I started reading. Nessa and I had looked up new music on the Billboard charts and we instantly both liked a band called Imagine Dragons. I spent the next morning downloading their songs and got addicted to their song "Demons" which was appropriate as it fit in well with the theme of the book.

Imagine Dragons - Demons

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

The rest of the songs just really fit in with how I was felling while reading the book. It really was a great book and I would recommend it to any one.

 Bloc Party - Signs

At your funeral I was so upset, so upset,
in your life you were larger than this
statuesque

I see signs now all the time that your not dead your sleeping
I believe in anything that brings you back home to me  

The Cary Brothers - If You Were Here

If you were here
I could deceive you
And if you were here
You would believe

Something Corporate - Konstantine

 And then you bring me home
Afraid to find out that you're alone, no
And I'm sleeping in your living room
But we don't have much room
To live

Strays Don't Sleep - For Blue Skies

It's been a long year since we last spoke
How's your halo
Just between you and I
You and me and the satelites
I never believed you
I only wanted to
Before all this what did I miss?
Do you ever get homesick?